Sarah (pron. Say `Ruh) (n) def: Queen of Lynchburg, Tetris Master, Diva, Dreamer.

On Sunday my family got together for lunch at my moms house. After feasting on baked chicken, rice, green beans, and the most unusually shaped corn bread (mine looked like a fish), we gathered around the TV to watch my newest favorite movie “Kickin’ It Old School”. James went off to Lowes to fix the bathroom toilet and after the movie Amanda, Chris, Shannon and I decided to try to break dance. So we cleared the living room floor and gathered around trying to do head spins and funky dance moves. Mom came in and immediately yelled at us and said for us to do that stuff in our own home. So we all sat down and became bored, so the jokester that I am decided it was time to get on the treadmill and exercise.

I made the offbeat comment that I would like to try to run on the highest level possible on the treadmill. Shannon is shaking his head at me saying “Sarah, you will fall off and hit the cabinet and break all your moms eggs”, Mom said “Sarah don’t do that you’ll hurt yourself”, and Amanda & Chris, my caring, compassionate, and loving sister and brother in law were chanting “Do it! Do it! Do it!” So I decided at that moment to risk broken limbs and embarrassment and run on the highest level of the treadmill.

So, I clipped the safety strap to my pants, which would unplug and stop the machine if I fell and I balanced myself and got ready for the run of my life.

I started slow to “Warm up” and planted both my hands firmly on the sidebars of the machine. With one quick whoosh, I flicked the switch all the way up to the highest level and began my run. There was nothing funniest than my nubby legs going back and forth like a cartoon character on the treadmill. I figured that I could keep running at that pace if I distributed most of my weight on the bars of the treadmill.

I felt like a queen. I was running like a real athlete, amongst the cheers of my family (and mom screaming “you need to stop Sarah!”). And then it hit me…my hands were frozen, my legs were tired and I couldn’t move anything to make the machine stop. I started screaming “SOMEONE HELP ME!!!” Shannon sat there absentmindedly just staring at me, not connecting what I was trying to get done. I kept screaming for help, Amanda and Chris kept laughing, and mom jumped up with lightning quick speed and complete horror in her eyes as she imagined me falling off and crashing into her Egg-cabinet. She flicked the button of the machine off and I sat there almost wetting my pants laughing, and so was everyone else…we all were laughing so hard we had tears in our eyes.

The comments after that were “Sarah, I didn’t think you could do it”, Moms comment: “You really scared me when you couldn't hold on any longer. I didn't think I would make it there to turn it off in time. I was impressed that you could stay on as long as you did.”
And that is the story of how I tamed the Treadmill Beast.

When we first start trying I though it would just “happen”…I had always known in my heart we would have some degree of difficulty getting pregnant, but Shannon had taught me to have faith and believe. And countless people had prayed over us to be fertile and be able to conceive. So 55 days later and a positive pregnancy, I sit trying my hardest to convince the Doctor that “no, I’m not making this up” and that I’m not “inventing” the positive pregnancy test, but as God would will it, day 56 rolled around and so my hopes of that being our months went down the drain.

This is not a pity me story and I’m not depressed. I just find it highly hilarious at the number of times I’ve told God that this would be the most awesome timing and I thought writing down the randomness which is my thought process would shed some light on my overactive imagination. And ultimately, God is in control and I realize that to the fullest…I just think its funny when we, his children, decide that our timing is better than his and the ways we reason this with him. So without further delay, here’s THE LIST.

September 2005 - Month 5 – “God this would be the absolute perfect timing. We’ve been trying to five months now and it would be such a great anniversary present to tell Shannon that we are having a baby”
March 2006 – Month 11 – “God it would be so perfect to find out we’re pregnant this month. We’ve been trying for 11 months AND its Shannon’s birthday. It would be such a joy to be able to tell him we’re pregnant for his birthday”
September 2006 – Month 17 – “God once again, the timing would be perfect for a baby…it’s our anniversary. That would be such a great gift to be able to tell Shannon we’re pregnant”
December 2006 – Month 20 – “God, all my step siblings are pregnant. It would be such a great Christmas for James to be able to have almost all his kids pregnant at the same time”
January 2007 – Month 21 – “God, I’ve gotten off Clomid in faith that you would make us pregnant…because we are trying in faith, this would be such an awesome month”
March 2007 – Month 23 – “God, its Shannons birthday again, and it would be so great to tell him we’re pregnant and we just bought a house with an extra bedroom that we’ve painted as the baby’s room…the timing is perfect!”
April 2007 – Month 24 – “God, Laura just had her baby. I sat by and was supportive and this isn’t the first time I’ve done this. I’ve been faithful God and you said that you reward the faithful. I’ve sat by and watched 100 babies be born to all my friends and I’m ready now…”
September 2007 – Month 29 – “God, I’ve been on my diet now for months and I’ve lost weight and gotten my blood sugar and PCOS under control. I’m taking Femara and I really have faith that this is the month you want us to find out we’re pregnant”
October 2007 – Month 30 – “God, I guess I got on the medicine and it wasn’t in your will. But this is month 30 of trying and Jesus started his ministry when he was 30 and it would be so awesome and such a testimony to get pregnant at month 30”
December 2007 – Month 32 – “God, its been 2 ½ years now and I would really love to tell Shannon on Christmas we’re pregnant…”
January 2008 – Month 33 – “God, 33 months! Jesus was 33 when His ministry was complete, maybe you wanted us to wait 33 months. The timing would be some wonderful”

So here it is…on Thursday we will be celebrating 33 months of trying for a baby. Through this journey I have prayed more, been angry more, been depressed more, had more faith that I’ve ever had and still no baby…I’ve watched almost every friend I have, have a baby and one more than one occasion I was the one helping with throwing the baby shower, arranging bringing them dinner, and holding their hands as they nervously walked through their pregnancies.

This month though, I celebrate how great life is and even though we have no child, we do have the following :

An awesome kick-tail house
A wonderful, well behaved Dog
A beautiful, rambunctious puppy
Two working vehicles
A refrigerator that doesn’t leak
Jobs that we both love

So, with these blessings in mind, I thank God that he’s brought me to this place of peace and enjoyment of what we do have.

Man, I was heffer-licious.