Sarah (pron. Say `Ruh) (n) def: Queen of Lynchburg, Tetris Master, Diva, Dreamer.

When we first start trying I though it would just “happen”…I had always known in my heart we would have some degree of difficulty getting pregnant, but Shannon had taught me to have faith and believe. And countless people had prayed over us to be fertile and be able to conceive. So 55 days later and a positive pregnancy, I sit trying my hardest to convince the Doctor that “no, I’m not making this up” and that I’m not “inventing” the positive pregnancy test, but as God would will it, day 56 rolled around and so my hopes of that being our months went down the drain.

This is not a pity me story and I’m not depressed. I just find it highly hilarious at the number of times I’ve told God that this would be the most awesome timing and I thought writing down the randomness which is my thought process would shed some light on my overactive imagination. And ultimately, God is in control and I realize that to the fullest…I just think its funny when we, his children, decide that our timing is better than his and the ways we reason this with him. So without further delay, here’s THE LIST.

September 2005 - Month 5 – “God this would be the absolute perfect timing. We’ve been trying to five months now and it would be such a great anniversary present to tell Shannon that we are having a baby”
March 2006 – Month 11 – “God it would be so perfect to find out we’re pregnant this month. We’ve been trying for 11 months AND its Shannon’s birthday. It would be such a joy to be able to tell him we’re pregnant for his birthday”
September 2006 – Month 17 – “God once again, the timing would be perfect for a baby…it’s our anniversary. That would be such a great gift to be able to tell Shannon we’re pregnant”
December 2006 – Month 20 – “God, all my step siblings are pregnant. It would be such a great Christmas for James to be able to have almost all his kids pregnant at the same time”
January 2007 – Month 21 – “God, I’ve gotten off Clomid in faith that you would make us pregnant…because we are trying in faith, this would be such an awesome month”
March 2007 – Month 23 – “God, its Shannons birthday again, and it would be so great to tell him we’re pregnant and we just bought a house with an extra bedroom that we’ve painted as the baby’s room…the timing is perfect!”
April 2007 – Month 24 – “God, Laura just had her baby. I sat by and was supportive and this isn’t the first time I’ve done this. I’ve been faithful God and you said that you reward the faithful. I’ve sat by and watched 100 babies be born to all my friends and I’m ready now…”
September 2007 – Month 29 – “God, I’ve been on my diet now for months and I’ve lost weight and gotten my blood sugar and PCOS under control. I’m taking Femara and I really have faith that this is the month you want us to find out we’re pregnant”
October 2007 – Month 30 – “God, I guess I got on the medicine and it wasn’t in your will. But this is month 30 of trying and Jesus started his ministry when he was 30 and it would be so awesome and such a testimony to get pregnant at month 30”
December 2007 – Month 32 – “God, its been 2 ½ years now and I would really love to tell Shannon on Christmas we’re pregnant…”
January 2008 – Month 33 – “God, 33 months! Jesus was 33 when His ministry was complete, maybe you wanted us to wait 33 months. The timing would be some wonderful”

So here it is…on Thursday we will be celebrating 33 months of trying for a baby. Through this journey I have prayed more, been angry more, been depressed more, had more faith that I’ve ever had and still no baby…I’ve watched almost every friend I have, have a baby and one more than one occasion I was the one helping with throwing the baby shower, arranging bringing them dinner, and holding their hands as they nervously walked through their pregnancies.

This month though, I celebrate how great life is and even though we have no child, we do have the following :

An awesome kick-tail house
A wonderful, well behaved Dog
A beautiful, rambunctious puppy
Two working vehicles
A refrigerator that doesn’t leak
Jobs that we both love

So, with these blessings in mind, I thank God that he’s brought me to this place of peace and enjoyment of what we do have.