Tuesday, June 26, 2007

TBN, Hair Wax, and Joel Osteen

What do these three things have in common?

This is one of those "pouring out your heart" entries. Something within me that I want to write down so I will never forget.

The night began by what I can only explain as a "channel-flipping-fest". I flipped channels non stop last night, stopping to watch bits and pieces of the new show on NBC about the 20 yr olds vs. the 40 yr olds and their contest to get the guy.

As I became progressively bored-er, I saw that a movie was coming on TBN, and tonite the reception was crystal clear. We do not have cable, only rabbit ears, and we live under power lines, so most nights channels like TBN are snowy, but tonite, it was amazingly clear.

I saw that it was "The Story of Jacob and Joseph", so I had to watch. Shannon and I have had immense fun watching TBN movies together. I could tell right off that it was made in the early 70s, and I almost stopped watching, except Colleen Dewhurst played Rebekah and so it peaked my interest. You see, Colleen Dewhurst was Marilla Cuthbert on "Anne of Green Gables", and thats one of my favorite movies of all time.

The movie started out w/ Rebekah going into labor and she was talking to herself commenting to God how old she was to be carrying a baby...and I realized that I thought Rebekah was young when she had Jacob and Essau. So I got out my Bible, and read the except and it jumped out at me...

"...Isaac prayed to the Lord on behalf of his wife, because she was barren. The Lord answered his prayer, and his wife because pregnant..." Gen 25:21

While I'm reading this passage I hear "double portion of blessing" come out of the TV. Which initially, when I started this blog, I felt God told me He was going to give me a double portion of his blessing...

Then I noticed something weird (to me at least)...several stories of barren women in the bible, deal with multiple wives. The husband has children w/ a person he does not love and a wife he loves. And the wife he loves is barren. For Ex., Sara was barren, but Abraham had many children through other people. Rachel was barren, but Jacob had many children through Leah and others. Hannah was barren, but her husband had many children through his other wife he didn't love.

And its amazing to think that these children from other people are not even known by name, but the children of promise from those who were greatly loved, and forever imprinted in our minds and hearts from the great things they have done. Isaac, Joseph, Samuel.

So, moving on. As I am watching this movie it talks about how Essau was hairy and Jacob was smooth skinned. I looked down at my physical affliction of hairy-beast arms, and decide "tonite's a good night to wax my arms". It wasn't that bad. I got through most of the left arm without tears or cursing. I did half the right arm, and I couldn't do it anymore. I had to give up and just shave it. It was a mixture of alot of pain and no pain at all (b/c the wax numbs your arms pretty good).

As I am waxing (and cooking at the same time at 12:00am) I hear Joel Osteen come on the TV. He starts talking about laying your dreams down on the alter. I wasn't really listening until he started talking about an infertile couple and what they would give to have a baby. And the wife had to lay their dream down on the alter and say that she wasn't going to ask God anymore for a baby, b/c he made her and he's heard her and he knows her heart's desire.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It was like a pre-orchestrated night for God to minister to my heart and comfort me and encourage me and challenge me. Joel Osteen, made a couple really good points...

"Just because you don't see a way, doesn't mean that God doesn't already have one...Believe God's promises-we don't have to figure it out, we just have to trust..."

My downfall is I am always over-analyzing and trying to explain everything. This whole baby-situation has been one roller-coaster ride or trusting God, doubting God, hating myself, fear of never becoming a mother, etc. And the last 3 months now God has been comforting and encouraging me more than anything. Putting people and things in my path so that I wouldn't have to worry or fear. Sunday was a really tough day for me. There was a teenage girl at church w/ a newborn, I had to go to a baby shower, I was grilled by someone at the baby shower about when we were having kids, I found out that someone we know got pregnant while on birth control (3 times...miscarried once)...the whole day was nothing but the devil coming up against me and beating me down.

God really used last night to comfort my heart and to challenge me to lay this dream on the alter and let Him to His job. I am not by any means, completely healed. The sting and pain still hurts, but I am encourage that God is healing my heart every day and orchestrating a plan for my life that is better than the one I would've dreamed.

posted by Sarah W @ 9:48 AM  


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